i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
