This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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