Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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