I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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