Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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