Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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