I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
