Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
