life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize