alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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