What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
