Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize