So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
