even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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