Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
