i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
