And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
