first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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