walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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