The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
