someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
