I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
