bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
