come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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