I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
