Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
