I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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