DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
