so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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