She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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