I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize