porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
