dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
