he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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