Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
