do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
