i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
