community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
