Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
