dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
