Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
