the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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