I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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