i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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