i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
why is half of my head shaved?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
