Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We are two peas in an std pod
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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