A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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