Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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