Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize