We won't sleep together?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
