Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's Friday. Sex?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
