dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
