best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
