oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
