please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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