So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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