I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
