my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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