you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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