Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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