if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
