I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
