I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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